Emptiness, Ego, and the Invitation to Wake Up: A Holistic Path

For years I worked so hard on self- improvement, improving my relationships, improving how I showed up for work, and constantly regulating my nervoussystem. There was always this hope that with this last push I'd end up in the promised land. But that's not how it worked. I ended up in a very painful cycle of anxiety, depression and insomnia. Many of us are caught in this pattern, and what's so hard about this pattern is that society reinforces this idea that if we keep working, if we keep forging ahead, if we keep showing up that somehow all of that deeper longing that we have is going to be satisfied, and unfortunately, that formula just doesn't work, and many of us are waking up to this.

It’s a pattern many of us know too well. We live in a culture that rewards striving, reinforces performance, and teaches us that fulfillment is just one more achievement away. But this endless chase often leads us further from what we’re truly longing for.

The Myth of Arrival

The deeper truth is this: healing doesn’t come from polishing the ego. It comes from gently loosening its grip.

As a therapist, I’ve walked this path alongside many others—those who have worked hard to “get it right” only to find themselves burnt out and disillusioned. There is something tender and terrifying about realizing that the old ways of striving will never bring us home.

Insteadof pushing forward, healing often asks us to pause. To turn inward. To face the ache we’ve spent a lifetime avoiding.

Avoiding the Void

What lies beneath our ego patterns is often a quiet, unsettling emptiness. Buddhism names it śūnyatā—the foundational ground of being. Christian mysticism calls it the cloud of unknowing. Quantum theory describes something similar: at the subatomic level, particles arise from a field of fluctuating energy—an ever-shifting potential that underlies material existence.

Ultimately this emptiness is not a void to fear—it’s an invitation. An opening. A doorway into truth. But when we first turn toward it, it can feel like death. The familiar strategies of control and people-pleasing, perfectionism and avoidance, start to unravel. And without them, we feel exposed, we feel the void at our back.

Why It Feels So Hard

From a depth psychology perspective, the ego structure we form in childhood is a survival strategy—our way of navigating connection and protection. But in adulthood, those strategies become limitations. We repeat old patterns of self-betrayal because they once kept us safe.

Whether it’s staying in an unhealthy relationship, numbing with substances, or clinging to productivity—we keep choosing the familiar over the unknown. Because the unknown feels like falling into the void.

But what if that void isn’t emptiness as lack… but emptiness as unbirthed potential?

The Wisdom of the Enneagram and Beyond

Twenty years ago, I discovered that I had built a cage around myself—constructed from fear, self-sabotage, and unconscious patterns. The key to that cage, for me, was the Enneagram: a profound map of ego structures, false beliefs, and emotional defenses. It didn’t just show me who I was pretending to be—it pointed to who I could become.

Today,I integrate the Enneagram with powerful healing modalities:

• IFS: to compassionately dialogue with the protective parts of the psyche
• EMDR: to reprocess trauma at its roots
• Mindfulness and somatic practices: to stay anchored in the body
• Attachment theory: to understand how our early relationships shape our nervous system and our capacity to love

Not self-improvement, rather self-remembrance.

A Transpersonal Turn

In the next chapter of my work, I’m taking a risk. I’m naming what’s always been at the heart of this healing: the spiritual dimension—the longing for something deeper, more truthful, more whole.

Traditionally, this is called transpersonal therapy—an approach that weaves together psychology, spirituality, mysticism, and modern science. Today, it’s often called holistic therapy or holistic coaching.

Whatever we call it, it’s about integrating the inner and outer, the body and spirit, the intellect and intuition. It’s about moving through emptiness not with fear, but with reverence.

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